Monday, May 19, 2008

Happy Birthday Eric!

Yesterday was Eric's birthday. I won't tell you how old he is, but I'll give you a hint: He is less than 40, but more than 38. What really burns my ass? He still gets carded AND I DON'T! I have been able to create my own little land of delusion and in that happy place the only reason I don't get carded is because they ask him first and since he is old enough then I MUST be old enough so why bother making me dig my ID out of my ginormous purse? Yes, that's right. In my special place things like age spots and crow's feet don't exist and they certainly don't exist on my body anywhere. It is a place where my gray hair is actually blonde highlights and I miraculously look 40 pounds thinner. Clearly it also has padded walls and arm restraints, but that is entirely beside the point.

Eric spent his birthday weekend in Las Vegas with 10 of his buddies. I am not entirely sure what all went down, but I am a bit suspicious. He keeps using words like gambled, drank beer, went to see a show, played craps and other similar things that are CLEARLY some kind of secret man-code that actually means went to a strip club, private lap dance and boobs. I'm on to him, but I can't quite crack the code. I need a secret decoder ring or something.

Actually, I am pretty sure they gambled a lot. Eric came home richer than when he left. That's always a bonus. He also commented that if the world could ever find a way to convert silicone into fuel then gas would be much cheaper after harvesting Las Vegas. He said there was an abundance of double D's spilling out of tube tops. That image? Will stay with me forever. And I hate him for it.

I spent Friday night with some pals. We went to get Julie a tattoo and then ate yummy mexican food from the taco truck. After that we went to this little dive bar I love and I proceeded to drink. A lot. An embarrassing lot. And sing karaoke. And yes, that sound you heard? Eardrums bursting. People screaming. Dogs howling. In my mind, however, I was bringing down the house a Madison Square Garden 'cause I ROCK.

By the end of the night I had shots lined up in front of me and was drinking beer out of the pitcher through two straws hooked together. You don't have to say it. I know. I am freakin' oozing class. Rawr!! Luckily my friends have both a good sense of humor AND low expectations of me.

Eric came home yesterday afternoon and I surprised him with a birthday party. I have tried in the past to throw him a surprise party but that whole "thought in head, thought out mouth" thing usually blows the surprise part. This time? I waited until the last minute to even plan it so I didn't have time to open my big, fat mouth. And it worked! Whee!

The best part of the party? Watching my friends play Dance Dance Revolution. We tried to get Eric to play, but his walker kept getting in the way. It was really cool to surprise him though. And this time the surprise was a GOOD one! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Insanity? Highly under-rated.

I have lost my mind. For those of you who know me that comes as no shock whatsoever. For those of you who don't know me - trust me - it really is no shock whatsoever. It has been brewing for some time. This week? I finally snapped.

It started on Monday when I was informed that I have a cyst in my hand that has to be removed. My right hand. The hand I write with and type with and do just about everything else with and they are going to CUT IT OPEN. Next Tuesday. Yea.

It continued on Tuesday when my entire work day consisted of discovering a very long list of things that should have been done, but that I never did and now have to do and I don't seem to have time to do, but I have to figure out how to do them at some point in the very near future since they have to get done. Bah.

Today I spent all day thinking it was Thursday and then one of my friends informed me that it is, in fact, Wednesday and really? That should be enough. But for me? No - I have to really do it up right. I have to forget to pay the water bill.

We got home and Lexy got raw hamburger and made hamburger patties and she tried to wash her hands. We discovered that it is fairly difficult to wash your hands with no water. Oh, and if you have raw hamburger on your hands the dog will follow you around and when you sit down she will stare at you. Without blinking. For hours. And it is kind of unsettling.

Oh yeah - I have the crappiest iPhone EVER. I had to send it in for repair for the second time and they sent me the crappiest loaner iPhone EVER. I had a phone that would ring, but the touch screen was defective and I could answer my calls, but then I couldn't hang up my calls. That resulted in lots of people getting messages from me that started out all professional and ended with me thinking I hung up and instead they would get 5 minutes of me singing "Like A Virgin" along with the radio at the top of my lungs. Now I have a loaner phone that won't ring. I pick it up to call someone and realize I have 15 missed calls and 5 voicemails. Sucky phone. But I suppose it is better than singing "Like A Virgin" to one of my most important clients and then listening to them laugh for 10 minutes when they call me back to tell me about my serenade.

I have high hopes that tomorrow will be better. I sort of got a handle on all the stuff at work. OK. I made a list of all the stuff I need to do. But at least it's a start. I now have a visual representation of my inability to keep up with everything I need to do. On top of that we got the water back on thanks to on-line bill pay and Lexy washed her hands so Mazie quit stalking her.

I am just ready for the weekend. I plan to get outside and enjoy the nice weather. I need to plant flowers. I need to mow. I need to have some of the sprinkler heads capped off. I need to have dirt delivered to build out a new planting area. I need to roto-till the garden.

Shit. Now I have to go and make another list.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Tattoo ink and Comic book geeks

I know I am not the first parent to wish this, but there are times where I really want to put Drew in a giant hamster wheel and use the energy created to power the house for a year or two. I would save so much money on the electric bill and could use it to go on an extended vacation in Tahiti.

Drew is obsessed with Transformers and runs around the house incessantly acting like various characters from the movie. Some days he is a good guy. Some days he is a bad guy. Most days he acts out elaborate scenes from the movie and plays all the characters. It was cute the first thousand times. Now it is just irritating. I wish they would hurry up and make Transformers 2 so we can at least get new scenes. I would make him stop, but the creativity is just too awesome and he really is talented. He remembers the lines like nobody's business and I have to encourage him. I mean, come on...he could end up rich and famous and I intend to live long and prosper. Somebody is going to have to fund my geriatric world travel.

Moving on...

This has been a spectacular weekend. Eric and I went on a date Friday night. We had a nice dinner and planned to see a movie, but the theater was packed so we bailed on that idea. Instead? I got another tattoo. This one makes number 9.

On Saturday we got up early for National Free Comic Book Day. Yes. You heard me. An actual comic book day. And no. I had never heard of it either. I think you have to be hooked into the Dungeons and Dragons Network to know such things. But...I was a trooper and got up early...on a go with Eric to get comic books. He bribed me with coffee. Bastard. He's got my number. Either that or I am just WAY too easy. I am like freakin' Pavlov's dog. Just say coffee and my mouth immediately begins to water and I will follow you anywhere.

Anyway, we arrived at the comic book store only to find it PACKED. Seriously packed. I KNOW! I was shocked, too! I mean...all those geeks leaving their computers at the same time to go and buy comic books? Unreal. Who is guarding the Internet? Oh, and the World of Warcraft? Deserted.

Today, however, is a beautiful Sunday and I plan to go outside very soon and do some more yard work. I got a fairly good sun burn yesterday, but today I am going to put my sunscreen on BEFORE going outside. The main goal for going outside is to wear some energy off of Drew and Mazie. All I have to do is attempt to do anything productive in the yard and both of them will immediately start running in circles and wreaking general havoc to keep me from completing any project. Frustrating, but effective kid and dog tiring out activity.

Tomorrow I am back in the office after a week of travel. I can only imagine what my desk looks like. Actually? It's probably cleaner than it is when I am there.

Oh yeah - just a little reminder. I am walking in the Breast Cancer 3-day (see link at the top left of my page) and seriously need to raise money. I have to hit $2200 or I can't walk. Please donate anything you can. Every penny helps!!