Isn't is strange how we can have all things going fine and still feel like the world is about to drop on our heads? Maybe I just have too much going on. If you know me you know that is generally the case. I tend to overbook and then kill myself to deliver. I should really work on altering that behavior.
I have two weeks of grad school left and this week is when I have to turn in my final project. The major, been working on it for 15 weeks, majority of my grade project. It just so happens that my professor for this class is an idiot who grades completely unfairly in some childish attempt to keep us lowly students in our place. I just know that I am going to lose points because he dislikes my word choice or thinks I should have started a new paragraph. Add that to the fact that all grading is subjective and we have potential disaster on our hands. So - needless to say - I am stressed about finishing this thing and having it be absolutely perfect. I have edited it to within half an inch of its life. Poor paper.
On top of that I have major work stress going on. I have been here for two months and it seems like I have accomplished nothing. The partners are meeting tomorrow and I have to give my departmental status showing what has been accomplished and what the goals for the next 60 days are. I am trying to write the report and it is killing me. So far it reads like this: "I made a bunch of forms. I called a lot of people. I plan to do more in the next 60 days." Is it really possible that I have done nothing in 2 months? It sure feels that way right now, but I could swear that I have been busy. Maybe I should do less blogging and more working. Hmmm - there's a thought.
Next agenda item is the Treasure Valley Recruiter Association. I had the brilliant idea back in April that we needed a recruiter association in Boise and I was just the girl to get it going. So...I started it up and it is going really well. That is positive, but now there are all these things to do. Meetings to plan, locations to find, speakers to sign on, emails to send, tax id numbers to get, bank accounts to open, by-laws to come up with, forms to build for membership apps, websites to develop, mission statements, blah, blah, blah. I am just going to shut up about that one now.
Why do I do this to myself? I complain that I never get to do anything fun and then I go and create more work stuff for myself. I really need to stop that.
On to another topic - my weight. I have been working with a trainer for 8 weeks now. Two months of my life that have revolved around eating better, working out, not drinking lattes with whole milk twice a day, not eating Krispy Kreme for breakfast, getting up at 5:15 am to walk 3 miles and the lift weights at the gym. Two months of trying my best to stop being a fat, unhealthy, miserable, middle-aged person. Do you want to know what I have to show for that work? NADA. NOTHING. NOT A THING. I AM STILL FAT. I might be slightly more comfortable in my clothes, but they are the same size I was in when I was happily drinking my whole milk latte and noshing on a donut. I have lost some inches, but I still step on the scale and hear it scream in horror. I don't think this whole salad thing is all it's cracked up to be.
So, that is my rant for the day. I just feel sad and put upon this week. I feel stressed and ready to say to heck with it all. I know it will ease up. I know I have 2 short weeks of school left and then I can chill. I just don't really feel good about things right now. I feel mean and angry and bitchy and like a whiner.