Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Despite my best efforts the holidays are coming.

The season of insanity has begun. This is usually the beginning of my string of posts that consist primarily of me lamenting the fact that Christmas comes every. single. year. And no matter how hard to try to find ways to put a stop to it the stupid holiday just keeps coming. It's like Night of the Living Elves.

This year is going to be different. Oh, don't get me wrong. I still loathe Christmas for a variety of reasons and I am still sitting back waiting for someone to die, something to explode or for me to come down with the plague, but I am going to try not to be as much of a grinch as usual.

Case in point? The snowmen are out. I know! It's startling in it's non-Grinch-likeness. See, Eric and I have an enormous collection of Christmas snowmen that take over our house during the month of December. Most years I try to fight their escape from their sturdy boxes. I set booby-traps. I add extra tape to the box tops. I try to convince Eric they have packed and moved back to the North Pole. Eric will usually resort to setting them out one at a time. I'll get up one morning and there will be a snowman on the mantle. The next day it has a girlfriend. The day after that there are little snowmen babies scattered throughout the house. They are like creepy little stalkers that follow my every move with their beady little eyes. Anyway...this year I got the snowmen out. ME. Without prompting or threat of death. However, I draw the line at setting up the Christmas tree. Not a chance that thing is getting put up until at least the 10th of December and even that will take lots of encouragement. And possibly begging.

I am also trying to put a clamp on all the grumbling and yelling about Christmas lights. I think Eric has had enough of the sudden shrieking. I see a house all lit up and I am compelled to roll down my window and scream insults. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Christmas lights...on CHRISTMAS EVE. I even like them on Christmas Day. But on the day after Halloween? NOT SO MUCH. There are always those few houses that have their Christmas decorations out the day after Halloween. First? Quit being so freakin' industrious. It's unsettling. Second? November 1st? NOT CHRISTMAS. Not even CLOSE to Christmas. Seriously, people. Can't you wait until, oh...I don't know...December? I'm just sayin'.

Oh yeah...I am supposed to be complaining less.


Cut me a bit o'slack here folks. I have to de-Grinch in stages. This year I got out the snowmen. Next year? Christmas music.

Well, maybe not music. Maybe a Christmas SONG. Yeah. A song.

Or a verse. Definitely a verse.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Need a job? Here's a little tip. Or three.

I don't generally talk much about work on this blog and that is for several reasons. First, I don't like to think much about work when I am writing on this blog. Second, the first rule of blogging is to avoid talking about things that can get you fired from your job. Third, most of this time the really hysterical stuff that happens to me at work can't be talked about on the blog because of rule number 2. Lastly, I would like to think I have better things to talk about than work. However, judging from the number of posts lately I may be seriously deluding myself.

Anyway, for those of you who don't know, I am a recruiter. I mostly recruit IT folks and I have been a recruiter for a really, really, reeeellllyyy long time...that means I am either very dedicated or completly insane. Today I was dedicated. Tomorrow I may be insane. You just never can tell. And that? Part of my charm.

I bring this up because with the economy as crappy as it is and with the unemployment rate as high as it is I thought I would share a few little tidbits to possibly help job seekers. Basically, here is a very condensed list of my pet peeves (which basically means "these are the things that most recently irritated me, but it is by no means a complete list of my pet peeves because I am far more irritate-able than this measly little list").

1. No matter what the completely useless and overpriced "consultant" told you - DO NOT PUT YOUR FREAKIN' PICTURE ON YOUR RESUME. Seriously? Do you really think showing me your whimsical smile and snappy sweater are going to result in my overlooking the fact that your two years of experience selling printer cartridges at Office Depot DOES NOT, in fact, make you qualified for the Senior Network Architect position you just applied for? Really? Ummm...NO.

2. The next time you are driving down the freeway tailgating the car in front of you when they are already doing 5 miles over the speed limit in a work zone and you are honking, swerving, flipping them off and generally making an ass of yourself regardless of the fact that it is rush hour and there is literally NO WHERE FOR THEM TO GO -- I want you to consider that at your next job interview that person is the recruiter. Just think about it. For a second. OK...good. Now. Thank me for my time and go home and remove "Calm under pressure" from your resume. 'Cause you? Aren't getting the job.

3. At your next interview please don't show up an hour early. Cause that? NOT. ON. TIME. It is, in fact, an hour early. And irritating. I know I don't have to go out in the lobby and greet you and interview you right then because you will quite happily wait until the actual scheduled interview time, but that doesn't help. See - I will sit at my desk for that hour thinking about you sitting in the lobby and I will wonder if the receptionist thinks I am a total loser for making you wait there because I must be too good to actually treat my candidates nicely and I will wonder if you are beginning to get irritated at me and if maybe you need to pee and I can't focus on the task at hand and so I end up going out and getting you early and interviewing you early, but I am all irritated and I don't really like you anymore because I was totally going to go to Starbucks real quick for my latte until YOU showed up EARLY and I just really hate you right now because I really need caffiene and YOU screwed up my master plan and you know what? Not hiring you!

I could so go on, but I am ready to go to bed. All the grumpy made me tired. Now go and take your freakin' picture of your resume. Seriously? A picture? Sheesh.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Peppermint ice cream is magic

I find myself entirely devoid of humor. OK...maybe that isn't a new thing...I'll rephrase.

I find myself entirely devoid of the commentary that only I and a couple of equally disturbed friends consider humor.

I am just sad. Sad about the outcome of this election. Sad about what that potentially means for our country. Sad that people seem to revere a polished presentation and media bias over good sense. Mostly? I am sad that it is 10:45 at night and I am sitting on my sofa watching Dog the Bounty Hunter.

I suppose I could change the channel, but that would require leaning over, stretching my arm 10 inches to the right and picking up the remote. And that? Too. Much. Effort.

The upside, however, is that Eric just brought me a little bite sized chocolate covered peppermint ice cream thingy. We keep a couple of boxes in the fridge at all times in case of depression, dismemberment or plague of locusts.

My day suddenly got much, much better. Even Dog the Bounty Hunter seems a bit more interesting. It's like magic. Only more yummy.