Travel and Eyebrows. Or was it Traveling Eyebrows? Oh, nevermind.

Last week I was traveling for work and the entire time we never had more than an hour window to do nothing. It was a whirlwind of meetings and dinners. That explains the lack of posting. That and the fact that I took on a part-time gig on top of my already 50 or more an hour a week job. Seriously? I must hate myself.

Anyway, the day I left on my trip I was sitting in the airport jotting down notes of some of the things I saw. I was going to turn it into this really funny blog that would entertain the masses and bring gifts and money raining down on me and mine...OK...I just wanted to have something to post because I am not exactly overflowing with things to talk about lately. My plan was to jot stuff down and then just fill in the blanks and wha-laa! Blog.

Yeah. That worked out well.

What I ended up with was a bunch of sentence fragments that are pretty much gibberish now that I finally sat down to write said blog. Luckily, the snippets are actually pretty funny.

1. Fat pilot. Fiery, plummeting death by cellulite.
2. Lady in argyle sweater. Hello? 1984 called. They want their sweater back.
3. Another argyle sweater? On a guy? Dude! 1984 is gonna be so pissed!
4. Desk agents + Hawaiian shirts = No. Just. NO.

Moving on...

While I was in Seattle Eric was in Las Vegas. He went down to play in a hockey tournament. They all rented a house and I was seriously fearing for their safety. They were sans wife/girlfriend/significant other and the house had a pool table, hot tub, Foosball table, giant TV, pool, etc. It is actually surprising they made it to any games. All Eric really said about 5 days in a house full of guys was that a few of the guys kept beating each other up when they got drunk. They'd be sitting watching TV or playing pool and one guy would suddenly run in the room and randomly slap another guy across the head. For fun. Yeah - I don't get it either.

The funniest thing is when Eric got home. His bag was on the floor in the bedroom and I noticed a roll of toilet paper in it.

"Did you take toilet paper to Vegas?"

"Hell yeah I did. A house full of guys? You bet I took toilet paper."

"Didn't the house have toilet paper?"

"Yeah, but you can't COUNT on that toilet paper."

Yeah. I know. That is the first thing us ladies think of when packing for a girl's trip. "Mustn't forget toilet paper," we all think. "There is no toilet paper like MY toilet paper. Forget that extra pair of shoes and my curling iron. Gotta make room for the two-ply!" I am seriously starting to think that Mars and Venus guy was on to something. Apparently there is no toilet paper in locations where men gather. Rite of passage or something.

1. Voice changing? Check.
2. Untimely erection? Check.
3. Losing virginity? Check.
4. Going on trip with guy friends and realizing there IS. NO. TOILET. PAPER? Check.

Oh yeah - on a totally different but kind of the same since it is about guys topic. On the radio the other day they were talking about this friend of the DJ's that had his eyebrows waxed. The question was, "Is it gay for a guy to have his eyebrows waxed?" All these people called in and said that it was as gay as gay can be and the waxer guy should just come out of the closet already and slap the rainbow sticker on his car with pride. And flair. And possibly a cute pair of red stilettos.

I totally disagree. In my not-as-humble-as-it-should-be opinion here is how the decision should be made:

1. Look in the mirror.
2. Are your eyebrows eerily similar to anything found in the insect world?
3. Do you have eyebrows going against the regular flow of traffic?
4. Do you notice your eyebrows before other, larger features. You know...like...YOUR HEAD?

If you answered YES to any of these questions then you should quit worrying about being gay and start worrying about being freakishly hairy. Please. Wax your brows, dude. It's practically charity work because personally? I can't afford to be distracted by your ginormous freakin' eyebrows waving at me across the conference table. Maybe you want to pluck instead? Fine. Pluck, but it doesn't make you more of a man. It just makes you hurt for longer and that, my friend? Is stupid. Just wax and get it over with. Trust me. It hurts and you can always tell your friends you plucked. But, if your friends actually notice your eyebrows and ask if you plucked or waxed then it might actually be THEM that should wear the dress. I'm just sayin'.

Speaking of waxing...I really hate that little window of time between when they put the wax on and when they rip it off. You suddenly have this moment of clarity where you realize "that wax is coming off no matter how much I scream." Whether you like it or not the fabric strip, wax and hair are coming off and You. Can't. Change. Your. Mind. I am always worried that I might pee myself just a little. Shut up. It's scary. Haters.