No Sea Cucumbers were harmed in the making of this post

As most of you know, I am a recruiter in my professional (and those of you who know me can stop with the snickering right about now) life. It is my job to identify candidates for open positions with my clients. In the course of my job I get to talk to a lot of people. A. LOT. OF. PEOPLE. That is the primary reason I never answer my phone once the work day is over in case any of you were taking it personal. Anyway, because the new year is in full swing and companies are beginning to hire I thought I would share some job huntin' stuff with you.

You know that saying, Sometimes you serve no purpose in life except to act as a terrible warning to others. Well, welcome to my world...

So, in no particular order, here are some things your friendly, neighborhood recruiter would like to warn you about:

1. Snotty email responses: These are the height of irritation for me and most recruiters I know. If I email you about a job it is because you have really exciting skills. That is intended to be a compliment. I don't need you to email me back telling me how your resume and your cover letter and the awesome new tattoo on your ass all very specifically state that you are only willing to work in X location. You know what? Lots of people say that and then when you tell them about a really kick ass opportunity with amazing money involved they will suddenly and miraculously find a willingness to commute that extra half a mile. I'm just trying to make sure you know about awesome jobs that are in your chosen career field so there is really no need to be an ass about it. But, because you were an ass about it, I'm not going to call you in a month to tell you about a brand new high paying gig that is right across the street from you. So there.

2. Treating me like I'm stupid: You wouldn't think this one needed to be said, but alas, it does. You wouldn't believe how many people treat the recruiter like they are one step up from a Sea Cucumber on the intelligence scale. It isn't nice. And it certainly won't help your cause. At the end of the day that recruiter is standing between you and the company you are trying to get an interview with. The recruiter is paid to determine whether or not you are a pompous jackass and whether or not your work history demonstrates an ability to do the job. You might think you can go around the recruiter if you want, but I can guarantee you that the Sea Cucumber emailed her client to give them a little feedback just in case your resume crosses their desk. So...maybe you should cut Ms. Sea Cucumber a little slack, hmmm? (As an aside, I mean no offense to Sea Cucumbers in general. If any Sea Cucumbers are reading this blog while doing Sea Cucumbery things please don't send nasty emails. I truly love and respect all non-vertebrates and sea-dwelling creatures alike.) 

3. Not taking into consideration that companies are fickle creatures: If I had a nickel for every time a client changed their mind about what they were looking for I would have a private yacht. Unfortunately, the client will often make this change known in the middle of an interview. You walk through the door armed with the job description the recruiter gave you and the hiring manager decides to throw it all out the window and interview you for something completely different. Know what happens next? The interview goes really badly and you get mad at the recruiter for being an idiot and the hiring manager gets mad at the recruiter for being an idiot. When, in fact, the recruiter wasn't an idiot. Unless, of course, NOT calling the hiring manager every hour on the hour to clarify that they are still looking for the same thing they were looking for an hour ago makes the recruiter an idiot.

4. Not having a sense of humor: This is a biggie to me. As previously mentioned, I talk to a lot of people during the course of an average day and there is nothing worse than having to deal with one stick in the mud after another. I know that job hunting and interviewing is tough and I know that it is very important work, but it also isn't "for every second I don't act like I have a stick in my ass a kitten drowns" serious either. Lighten up! Recruiters, good ones anyway, generally want to get to know you as a person and find out what makes you happy in your career. That allows them to do a better job of presenting you with opportunities you will like. So, stop taking yourself so seriously and have a laugh or two. It's good for digestion. And wrinkles. And being less of an ass.

Alright, that's enough for today. I don't want to tell you everything all at once because then I won't have anything to blog about. So, if you are currently looking for work go forth and have a laugh while interviewing for a job you didn't know you applied for. Then send your recruiter a really nice email telling them how smart and pretty and sharply dressed they are.

Recruiters like that.