Exactly how many diets are out there? Dozens? Hundreds? Thousands? Or, millions? I am putting my money, and my cellulite, on millions. I am truly amazed, and not just a little frightened, with how many different ideas and versions of how to lose weight you can find. One little Google search and you'll see what I mean.
I have been trying to lose weight for what seems like forever and I have reached out on more than one occasion to "experts." I have been told to eat more. Eat less. Only eat this. Never eat that. I have had a lot of people telling me lately to eat six or seven times a day and I'll magically lose pounds seemingly overnight. However, anorexics never eat and look how skinny they are. OK..I'll admit...bad comparison, but my point is no matter what someone tells you there is someone doing the exact opposite and getting fabulous weightloss results.
I am not a great dieter...I'll admit this. I enjoy eating what I like. My theory? This is life. None of us is getting out alive so we might as well enjoy ourselves, right? Now, don't get me wrong. I don't sit around and eat bags of cookies and drink a two liter of Pepsi every day. I actually eat relatively conservatively. Case in point: dinner last night was 4 oz of chicken breast, 2 cups of steamed broccoli and half a cup of macaroni and cheese (gotta keep the 7 year old happy). I drank a shit ton of water yesterday and I had no soft drinks. Today I have had some yogurt, some coffee with a bit of fat free creamer and a handful of Cap'n Crunch (gotta keep the inner 7 year old happy). I have an apple, peanut butter, a cheese stick and a Luna bar awaiting consumption. There is nary a Snicker's bar on the menu and yet I still cart around enough ass for me and all my friends. I swear I look in the mirror and see the robot Aunt Fanny from the movie Robots.
I just wonder when someone is going to clear up all the confusion. Do I eat meat? Don't eat meat? Sugar? No sugar? Bread? No bread? Are eggs good or bad? How often do I exercise? 30 minutes three times a week, right? Wrong. You need to work out, cardio only every day for an hour. And, on the second full moon of the year you hop one foot from noon until 2 and then turn in four circles and eat a loaf of bread with mayonaise and cayenne pepper.
ARGH!!! It is so confusing and so frustrating. It really is no wonder our society is obese. All these evil fitness people are out there cramming the latest Ab Roller, Sauna Belt, Gazelle, and my personal favorite, the Shake Weight, down our throats trying to convince us that withabsolutely no effort whatsoever (!) we will all have six pack abs! Just send 87 payments of $19.95 and you will be beach ready the moment the UPS guy delivers the box! Hurray!!
I guess I will just keep plugging away. I enjoy the fitness classes I am in and that keeps me going every week. I guess I just need to learn to accept my body as it is. I need to learn to be nice to it and maybe it will thank me by slimming down.
But, just to be safe, I should probably order a Shake Weight.
As an aside: I want to point out that in what has to be the best example of irony EVER -- the current ad displayed on this blog is for the South Beach Diet. I'm just sayin'.
2 comments:
Wow, interesting, must read your other post too, but thanx for this one.
"This diet/book/exercise equipment will leave you slim, trim and full of vitality with perfection in all you do!" Sure. Those lines, or variations thereof, will only fill their bank accounts as we order their merchandise based on our desperation. Of course, if we refuse to buy into all of that, we will probably come up with our own simple solutions -- an enjoy an occasional Snickers on the way.
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