A few days ago Eric and I were talking to a friends of ours about how I got my nickname and I made a joke about being a purveyor of the plague. Flash forward to yesterday and I have some kind of wicked infection that may actually be the plague. Ok - so that is a bit melodramatic - but, I did see something on Discovery channel last night stating that doctors actually diagnose about 3,000 cases of the plague each year. THAT'S comforting, right?!
Anyway, the nickname...When Eric and I met he was living in a house with a couple of guys and they all pretty much worked from home. I was the only person that came and went with any regularity and I was living in a house with friends that had small kids. It seemed like the three guys were constantly getting sick even though I never did. After the second or third time one of them got a cold after not having left the house for an embarrassing amount of time I got fingered as the carrier monkey. It didn't take long before carrier monkey became Carrier Monkey and then just Monkey. To this day, I am Monkey as far as Eric and his friends are concerned. I suppose it could be worse...we currently have friends with the following nicknames: Moose, Shack and Sperm. I'll take Monkey, thanks.
My current ailment is an infection in my face. The beginning of this week I woke up and my lower molars on the right side were hurting. I thought I was probably clenching my teeth in my sleep, so I took some Advil and went about my day. The next day it was the same thing again - back molar hurt, gums swollen - so more Advil and it went away. Wednesday I woke up and not only did my teeth hurt and my gums were swollen, but my jaw line hurt and my lymph nodes on that side were swollen. At first I didn't think much of it, but by mid-afternoon I was really starting to hurt. My jaw hurt and my ear was hurting. I felt feverish and decided I had better go see the doctor because I might actually be dying. Slowly. With whining.
I want to interject at this point with a strongly worded blog paragraph about how ridiculous doctor offices are. I called at 3:30 to see if they could fit me in. "Sure. Can you be here at 4?" said the somewhat surly receptionist. I replied that I normally leave work on Wednesday at 4:15 and it would be ok to come over at that time to avoid having to take off work. "No," she adamantly replied. "The doctor is only available at 4 so you have to be here right at 4." Fine. I'll be there at 4 and I'll even be nice about it even though you are clearly incapable of anything by disdain for people so you should really work in fast food.
I go explain to my boss and leave in time to be there at 4. I showed up at 3:59 according to the clock on my phone. FORTY MINUTES LATER I finally see the doctor. So I ask: If it was so frickity-fracken important to be there at 4 precisely, then why didn't the doctor see me at 4? Really? What? They needed someone to hold down that horribly uncomfortable chair in the exam room? Or did they need someone to review the incredibly outdated magazine collection for quality?
Seriously? Where else can you go and be left waiting for that long and let them get away with it? We should all really stage a coup and put a stop to it...taking advantage of miserable sick people like that...they should be ashamed!
BAH...
Today finds me miserable and tired and grumpy. I have sat in this stinkin' recliner all day. ALL DAY. I did get up and load the dishwasher at one point, but that is it. The doctor instructed me to stay home today and when I argued she gave me the best one-liner EVER...
"You have an infection. In. Your. Head."
Kind of hard to argue with her at that point. I guess infections in your head can get bad fast so you are supposed to be really good about rest and lots of fluids.
So I sit. I drink. I complain.
Such is the life.
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