Off and Away...Flying the a Bit too Friendly Skies

Today begins a week of travel. That may sound fun, and sometimes it is, but for me it ends up being a nightmare of epic proportions. The airlines are on to me and immediately upon seeing my name on a passenger manifest the flight is unceremoniously delayed. It's a conspiracy. I know it.

Today I am off to Las Vegas and I am going to stay at a hotel I haven't stayed at before. Vegas is a regular trip these days since my company has a big client there. This trip we are staying at the Paris Las Vegas. I hope I get a view of the fountains at Bellagio. That would rock...but, since the airlines have a conspiracy going I am sure the hotel mafia is in on it, too. Last time I stayed in a hotel in Vegas we had a view of an alley and the neighboring hotel. Whee! I kept looking out the window in hopes of a peep show from one of the rooms across the way, but yet again...denied.

The rest of the week is comprised of Portland and Seattle. I'll keep you posted on how those two cities treat me. I am sure Seattle will be good to me since I consistently profess my undying love for the lakes, bridges, mountains and yes...even the rain. I can't wait to move back there someday. I am already plotting. Can't you just hear my evil cackle? I've been working on it so you betta recognize.

Can I just pause for a moment to point out that airports crack me up? I especially love how even on airlines with assigned seats the second they call your flight everyone is jumping up and standing in line. Why? Why - I ask again? You have your very own seat. The plane won't leave you. In a very short minute we are all going to be sitting thisclosetogether so why are you leaping up to rush into the cylinder of personal space invasion? We are all going to get there at the same time. I.Guarantee.It. Would I lie? Of course not.

I also love how everyone sits around trying their best to look at everyone else without actually looking at everyone else. That is my favorite part. I amuse myself by looking directly at everyone and when they catch me looking I wink. You can tell a lot about a person just by their reaction to that wink. They guys either look disturbed that I would dare wink or you can see the internal battle start..."Is she flirting? Does she want me to talk to her? Should I wink back? Look away? Fart?"

I also really love the ladies who are decked out in full hair and makeup. Now...the ladies in business suits are exempt from my ridicule because I have been that girl in full hair and make up with a suit because I was traveling for one day of meetings and then right back home. It's the ones in jeans and stiletto boots and enough makeup to outfit an entire cheerleading squad on Homecoming night that really crack me up. If I had my camera I would post a picture of one such creature. The best part about this particular specimen is the fact that she is 50ish and is dressed like a 25-year old tart. I mean come on...I appreciate fighting old age and all that, but there is a more graceful way to fight for Christ's sake. Chiseling off some of that makeup and covering your tits is a fine place to start if you ask me.

Not that you did ask me, but since when do I keep my trap shut about such things? Never. That's when. What makes you think I would start now?

Silly reader.

Besides...I know that you appreciate me in all my smart assedness and you lurv me precisely because I say exactly what I think even if it ends in embarrassment. Specifically if it ends in MY embarrassement.

UPDATE:
First leg of trip from Boise to Portland - ON TIME leaving and ON TIME arriving. Whee!!
Second leg of trip from Portland to Seattle - LATE. LATE. LATE. Still in Portland praying to the Gods of the airline for some miracle to take place because I have a dinner meeting at 6:30 and at this rate I am not gonna be there. And I was so looking forward to that steak. Dammit.