The only appropriate word is "ARGH"

Yesterday was one of those days where I seriously tried to do as little as possible. There is lazy and then there is Jayna-lazy. I did nothing of value what-so-ever. I read some. I watched cartoons with Drew some. I played with the dog some. I did not clean, or do laundry, or work or anything. I was as unmotivated as possible and I can totally prove it. My ass imprint? Still in the chair.

I had a killer headache all day. After drinking coffee to get my caffeine fix and taking some Ibuprofen I settled into my recliner and began making bargains with karma/fate/whatever in a pathetic attempt to get the stupid headache to go away.

Headache 1
Me 0

It was during one of the brief moments between the actual begging parts...as I was trying to think of what else I would be willing to sacrifice to the headache gods... when a couple of things occurred to me.

1. I was wearing my glasses instead of my contacts and considering all the squinting it might be a good idea to go and get NEW glasses because maybe, just maybe, that could have something to do with the headache.

2. My house? IS NEVER QUIET. EVER. The lack of quiet might also have something to do with the headache.

It really is no surprise that I stay at work late as often as possible. After about 5:00 my office is quiet. Blissfully, miraculously quiet. No one else is there and I can sit and listen to the sweet sound of nothing. I also usually end up freaking myself out because I'll hear some random noise and that noise quickly becomes a ghost that is living in the kitchen cabinets and has evil intent and is hell bent on scaring me right into a heartattack because it really, really wishes our office would just move already and since we don't seem to be packing just yet it is plotting exactly how it is going to...AHEM...sorry...just a tad bit of crazy coming out...see what happens when you don't get enough of the quiet? You go insane. Insane, people!

But seriously? Can you blame me for the crazy? I think not.

Case in point:

I was on the phone with my lovely, patient and understanding friend Katie last night and I was lamenting the existence of the world's most determined headache and explaining that my house is never quiet. I was explaining how my house is always buzzing with activity and while that was great back when I was...oh...in COLLEGE...it is quite irritating now. Now that I am old. And apparently crotchety.

Me: "I just hate the fact that it is never quiet. I can't even go into my own bedroom and get quiet anymore." (To Drew: "Don't stick that football in there. Are you learning impaired?")

Me still talking: "I don't even remember what a quiet house feels like. Can I come to Portland and just sit on your couch and worship the quiet? You can seriously just pretend I'm not there." (To Drew: "Drew if you aren't supposed to stick that football in the tea pitcher why would you think it is okay to stick it in my water bottle?")

Me STILL talking: "You won't even notice me unless I sit there too long and start to stink. I just need to have quiet before I lose my mind entirely."

At this point the smoke alarm went off. And our smoke alarm? Very, very shrill. And persistent. The smoke alarm proceeded to stab me right in the brain and Drew started screaming that it was huring his ears and if I didn't do something right now he was going to dddiiiiiiieeeee!! Mazie began running frantically in circles barking her head off. The cat, who was lying on the table, literally FLEW off the table taking everything on the table with him. The resulting crash provided new ammunition for the kid and the dog who both, amazingly, got LOUDER with the screaming and the barking and the running in circles. Lexy then came running down the stairs yelling something about "what the hell is going on who's burning the house down can't you make it stop do we need to evacuate where is my phone" and I was standing on the stairs waving a broom at the smoke alarm yelling for Drew to "stop with the screaming and open the door, for the love of Pete!"

And Katie? Katie was literally crying with laughter.

Me: "Seriously? Could I punctuate my point any more effectively? Really? Ok,now...Shut up, Katie. Glad I can amuse. Katie? Stop laughing. Katie? I mean it. It isn't THAT funny. OK...I'm hanging up now."