Merry Bleepin' Christmas

Christmas. Again. Seems like it happens every year despite my best efforts at squelching it. Note to self: "Self, find the source of Christmas. Bring napalm."

I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas. Mostly hate, but I have moments of love. I love all the old cartoons they show on TV and still get a kick out of the elf who really wants to be a dentist. I hate Christmas music because they start playing it in November. Mostly, it's all the other stuff that really gets to me. I can't stand all the commercialized joy and giving that happens during December while the rest of the year most of the world can't see past the end of their own noses.

I really shouldn't bitch like this every year, but I do it anyway. I think it has something to do with the evil Christmas trolls that come along every December 1st and empty out my bank account. I have money all year long and then December hits and I am inexplicably broke. I think it is one of those mysteries of life that will never be explained. Kind of like the Loch Ness Monster and Republican logic.

I am trying to get into the spirit this year. Drew is almost 4 and he is going to get really into the whole tree and presents thing so that will be fun. I am even going to put the tree up before Christmas Eve so that must mean I am softening at least a little bit. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.

I think that this year I feel more contemplative than in years past. I was always just pissed and no amount of Christmas cheer was going to penetrate my aura of bitchy-ness. This year I miss the people who aren't around to throw Christmas music into my circle of contempt. There are a few people I miss and yet don't miss and for some reason this year I almost want to have them back. Maybe I am having my own personal 12-step program and this is the "make amends" step. I don't know what number that is, but it seems like it is probably 10 or so since it is such a tough one.

Now I am getting off track...I need to get off my pity pot and back to bitching about Christmas - it's less painful. For me anyway.

I guess I should just accept the Christmas music and the Christmas lights and the women drivers on a mission to the mall. I should accept the month long ode to greed and excess. I think I will work really hard for this year to not wallow in my pool of disdain and instead try to be calm and introspective.

I'll keep you posted on how that goes.