The last several weeks have been such a whirlwind of emotion and change that my head hasn't stopped spinning for more than a second or two. I am currently sitting in a cube in an office in San Jose, California having just completed my first week of employment with a brand new company. Not only am I new to the company and the position, but the position itself is new to the company. I am tasked with building out a successful effort around nothing more than a basic job description and a kick-ass idea.
No pressure. Right?!
This kind of "fly by the seat of your pants" stuff is what I thrive on. I have found myself in this type of role on more than one occasion. I think that makes me some kind of sado-maschocist, but whatever...I suppose I can live with that. I've been called worse.
The whole journey started about 5 weeks ago when I was relieved of my responsibilities at my last job. The company, of course, shall remain nameless and faceless and...just to be really safe...let's all pretend they are a figment of my imagination. Alrighty?
Anyway, the job was really a poor fit and if I had been smart I would have turned it down in the first place because I knew going in that I would be something akin to oil in their water. Hardcore IT headhunters don't become corporate yes (wo)men easily. In my case, my body vehemently rejected their attempts at assimilation. In gratitude to my body I have provided it with cookies....and an occasional brownie.
So, I find myself heading off on what we shall all, heretofore, refer to as Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. I can't wait to see where it goes! I have this feeling I am about to have some of the most challenging and exciting experiences of my career...I'll keep you posted...
Friday, April 23, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Repost - Death by M&M
This is a repost of a blog I put up back on February 11 -- I took it down because some ass goblin with no sense of humor took offense. I am reposting it because my life has changed in such a way that my blog is no longer under the watchful eyes of said ass goblin; well, they may be watching, but I no longer care. However, I made a few minor changes. I'm snarky...not evil...or stupid.
At the beginning of the year I was very excited because I got accepted into a weightloss program NOTE: this is a totally generic weightloss program that may or may not exist in real life and any persons mentioned with generic titles as being associated with the generic weightloss program that may or may not exist may or may not be real people. In order to get in you have to meet all these requirements and agree to meet with a health coach and personal trainer so many times a week and keep a food journal and stuff - they even provide all of it for you. I was STOKED! It was going to be AWESOME! I was going to get totally skinny in no time and have six-pack abs and a firm butt and NO JIGGLY PARTS!!! Whee!!!
I lasted less than a month.
It really had nothing to do with not being motivated. I was really, really, REALLY motivated. Honest! I was supremely motivated right up to the point that my health coach gave me a lecture because I ate 10 peanut M&Ms one day. Ten. TEN! ONE ZERO. Not 10 bags. Not 10 handfuls. TEN INDIVIDUAL PEANUT M&Ms. During the entire lecture I managed to smile serenly while imagining all kinds of horrible ways to torture and maim her. Preferably, using a peanut M&M.
I know it would be one of those really weird things to have an overweight health coach. I get that the whole point is for us fat people to get a skinny health coach to help us figure how to be skinny, too. However, there is something irritating about getting guidance from someone who has clearly never met a treadmill she didn't like and has no idea what it means to struggle with weightloss. I think I would rather have a health coach who used to be fat or is still maybe just a little bit fat. You know? Someone who can RELATE. Someone who has sat down on the sofa in front of the television and somehow managed to consume an entire package of raw cookie dough in one sitting. Instead? I got Miss Buns of Steel.
I got someone who told me that I should treat myself from time to time with non-fat frozen yogurt with fresh fruit topping. Someone who advised that when eating Mexican food I should decide how many chips with salsa I am going to eat and then keep a tiny corner of every chip in order to keep count. All I could think at that moment was, "Are you shitting me? You want me to be so freaking MILITANT that I have to count my chips? And, while we are on the topic, exactly when did nonfat yogurt become a TREAT? I'd rather binge and purge you psycho."
I quit the very next day. Since starting my Tae-Kwon-Do class back in the summer I have managed to lose about a pant size, a fair amount of body fat and much of my self-loathing. I have also enjoyed every minute of it. Granted, there are times (like today) that my muscles hurt so badly I want to hire someone to kick Master Edgington's ass...well, to TRY to kick Master Edgington's ass...but, most of the time it is great fun and unless I pass out in class from lack of food no one gives a flip what I did or didn't eat that day.
I think I'll stick to the TKD. Someday soon I will be both skinny AND capable of kicking butt. And when I am? I plan to find that militant health coach and kick her ass. While eating Peanut M&Ms.
At the beginning of the year I was very excited because I got accepted into a weightloss program NOTE: this is a totally generic weightloss program that may or may not exist in real life and any persons mentioned with generic titles as being associated with the generic weightloss program that may or may not exist may or may not be real people. In order to get in you have to meet all these requirements and agree to meet with a health coach and personal trainer so many times a week and keep a food journal and stuff - they even provide all of it for you. I was STOKED! It was going to be AWESOME! I was going to get totally skinny in no time and have six-pack abs and a firm butt and NO JIGGLY PARTS!!! Whee!!!
I lasted less than a month.
It really had nothing to do with not being motivated. I was really, really, REALLY motivated. Honest! I was supremely motivated right up to the point that my health coach gave me a lecture because I ate 10 peanut M&Ms one day. Ten. TEN! ONE ZERO. Not 10 bags. Not 10 handfuls. TEN INDIVIDUAL PEANUT M&Ms. During the entire lecture I managed to smile serenly while imagining all kinds of horrible ways to torture and maim her. Preferably, using a peanut M&M.
I know it would be one of those really weird things to have an overweight health coach. I get that the whole point is for us fat people to get a skinny health coach to help us figure how to be skinny, too. However, there is something irritating about getting guidance from someone who has clearly never met a treadmill she didn't like and has no idea what it means to struggle with weightloss. I think I would rather have a health coach who used to be fat or is still maybe just a little bit fat. You know? Someone who can RELATE. Someone who has sat down on the sofa in front of the television and somehow managed to consume an entire package of raw cookie dough in one sitting. Instead? I got Miss Buns of Steel.
I got someone who told me that I should treat myself from time to time with non-fat frozen yogurt with fresh fruit topping. Someone who advised that when eating Mexican food I should decide how many chips with salsa I am going to eat and then keep a tiny corner of every chip in order to keep count. All I could think at that moment was, "Are you shitting me? You want me to be so freaking MILITANT that I have to count my chips? And, while we are on the topic, exactly when did nonfat yogurt become a TREAT? I'd rather binge and purge you psycho."
I quit the very next day. Since starting my Tae-Kwon-Do class back in the summer I have managed to lose about a pant size, a fair amount of body fat and much of my self-loathing. I have also enjoyed every minute of it. Granted, there are times (like today) that my muscles hurt so badly I want to hire someone to kick Master Edgington's ass...well, to TRY to kick Master Edgington's ass...but, most of the time it is great fun and unless I pass out in class from lack of food no one gives a flip what I did or didn't eat that day.
I think I'll stick to the TKD. Someday soon I will be both skinny AND capable of kicking butt. And when I am? I plan to find that militant health coach and kick her ass. While eating Peanut M&Ms.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I am so NOT a yuppy.
I would have to say that for much of my life I had things pretty darn easy. I grew up having everything I needed and a good portion of the stuff I wanted. I got good grades in school with little effort, got into college, had wonderful friends and ended up in good jobs. I now have a great husband and a great kid and I still have wonderful friends and a good job.
I was not raised to be one of those people that is very motivated by money and belongings. I think that owning a house bigger than you need is ridiculous. I think spending $50k on a car is completely stupid. Fancy label clothes and fancy jewelry? What a waste! I have always felt like the point of life is to LIVE and all the fancy crap is nothing more than ego. People buy fancy stuff and huge houses for no reason other than to prove to everyone else how much money they have and how fabulous they think they are. There is no real value to it at all - it's just yuppy bullshit.
I suppose you are thinking that is just something us poor folk say so we feel better about being poor...WELL, my financial goals are pretty darn simple: DON'T THINK ABOUT MONEY. That's it. I want a roof and food and a little fun and I don't want to have to think about how to pay for it. If that makes me poor then so be it. I'd rather be poor than a jackass. I'm just sayin'.
What I have learned over the last six months or so is how much we, as a society, obsess over things that don't really matter at all. I am guilty of it. I worry about bills and house payments and cars. I worry about this project or that project at work. I worry about my weight and my hair and wrinkles. What have a gained from all that worrying? NOTHING. NADA. NOT A THING. Unless more wrinkles could be considered a gain. Oh, and let's not forget the gray hair.
Instead of all the worrying I should be kicking back and counting how lucky I am that my marriage is incredibly solid, my husband and my son are both healthy, I am healthy. I have a very caring and supportive group of friends in my life. Eric and I have jobs when so many others don't and we get to tuck our son into bed every night and hear him say "I love you."
Why do I tell you all this? Well...Eric and I just made some decisions that will change life as we know it. And you know what? I feel more relaxed and content than I have in months even though I know our decisions aren't the ones we would ever have expected to make.
I have watched friends lose their jobs and lose their homes. I have watched friends literally have their lives yanked right out from under their feet. Having just decided to turn my life upside down I have said NO to all the stress and fear and frustration so many of us have invited into our lives as we have become adults. I have just given the world a big giant "FUCK YOU." And you know what? IT FEELS GREAT!!!
I was not raised to be one of those people that is very motivated by money and belongings. I think that owning a house bigger than you need is ridiculous. I think spending $50k on a car is completely stupid. Fancy label clothes and fancy jewelry? What a waste! I have always felt like the point of life is to LIVE and all the fancy crap is nothing more than ego. People buy fancy stuff and huge houses for no reason other than to prove to everyone else how much money they have and how fabulous they think they are. There is no real value to it at all - it's just yuppy bullshit.
I suppose you are thinking that is just something us poor folk say so we feel better about being poor...WELL, my financial goals are pretty darn simple: DON'T THINK ABOUT MONEY. That's it. I want a roof and food and a little fun and I don't want to have to think about how to pay for it. If that makes me poor then so be it. I'd rather be poor than a jackass. I'm just sayin'.
What I have learned over the last six months or so is how much we, as a society, obsess over things that don't really matter at all. I am guilty of it. I worry about bills and house payments and cars. I worry about this project or that project at work. I worry about my weight and my hair and wrinkles. What have a gained from all that worrying? NOTHING. NADA. NOT A THING. Unless more wrinkles could be considered a gain. Oh, and let's not forget the gray hair.
Instead of all the worrying I should be kicking back and counting how lucky I am that my marriage is incredibly solid, my husband and my son are both healthy, I am healthy. I have a very caring and supportive group of friends in my life. Eric and I have jobs when so many others don't and we get to tuck our son into bed every night and hear him say "I love you."
Why do I tell you all this? Well...Eric and I just made some decisions that will change life as we know it. And you know what? I feel more relaxed and content than I have in months even though I know our decisions aren't the ones we would ever have expected to make.
I have watched friends lose their jobs and lose their homes. I have watched friends literally have their lives yanked right out from under their feet. Having just decided to turn my life upside down I have said NO to all the stress and fear and frustration so many of us have invited into our lives as we have become adults. I have just given the world a big giant "FUCK YOU." And you know what? IT FEELS GREAT!!!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
My laziness DOES make me smarter!
Drew, Eric and I have become completely obsessed with the TV show How It's Made on the Science channel. The last 48 hours or so they have been showing a marathon and I now know how they make everything from fur pelts to halogen headlights for cars. The upside of all this TV watching is I now feel slightly smarter for my effort. The downside of all this TV watching is I have accomplished absolutely nothing of value today. I'll muster some concern as soon as this next episode is over.
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